Friendship Principles

John 19:12

And from thenceforth Pilate sought to release him: but the Jews cried out, saying, If thou let this man go, thou art not Caesar's friend: whosoever maketh himself a king speaketh against Caesar.

Pilate fell for one of the classic mistakes that many still make today. He made friendship his primary goal instead of doing what was right. Pilate sought to release Jesus because he knew that He was innocent, but the people put pressure on him by saying he was no friend to Caesar if he allowed Jesus to go free. To Pilate’s detriment, he crumbled under this pressure, which revealed his lack of character.

Friendship is critical to life because you become what your friends are like; therefore, it is critical to choose the right friends. Many have made the wrong choice in friendships and it ruined their life, revealed their lack of character, and destroyed their reputation. Let me share several principles that should guide you regarding your friendships.

First, never let friends choose your friends. If you allow others to choose your friends, you will always find that you have the wrong friends. I don't allow others to choose my friends; I choose my own friends. If I choose my own friends, I have the power to control the direction of my life, but if I allow my friends to choose my friends, they choose the direction of my life. Never allow your friends to choose the direction of your life by letting them choose your friends.

Second, never choose a friend above Christ. Christ is your primary friend, and any person that makes you stop being a friend of Christ to be their friend is the wrong friend. Christ should be at the top of your friend’s list, and anyone who wants me to take Him off the top will cease to be my friend.

Third, always be a friend to your friends. Just because other friends are not being friendly to your friend does not mean that you should stop being a friend. True friendship is determined by still being a friend when your friends are being unfriendly to your friend. I will always be a friend to my friend. It does not mean I have to agree with them all the time, but when I choose to be a friend, I will always be a friend.

Fourth, always be a friend to the attacked and the accused over the friend who is doing the attacking. When friends attack my friend, I will stand with the friend being attacked and accused. Someone needs to be a friend to them, and just because they are attacked and accused does not mean I should stop being their friend. If they are guilty, they still need a friend, and if I must endure attacks because I am a friend to my friend, I will take the attacks and be a friend.

Fifth, never let friendship be about you and what benefits you. Friendship should be about what you can do for your friends and not what they can do for you. You will enjoy your friendships the most when you can meet the needs of your friends, even when your friends do nothing for you.

Sixth, never allow friendship to make you choose friends over truth. At the end of the day, Christ, who is truth, is my primary friend. Any friend who expects me to stop standing for truth will cease to be a close friend. I may still be their friend, but only at a distance. Truth is what we should embrace, and you should always stand close to truth even if it means your friends stop their friendship with you. I would rather be a friend to truth and be lonely than to have many friends and be disloyal to truth.