Don’t Do’s of Marriage

2 Samuel 6:21

And David said unto Michal, It was before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD.

It is not often that God shows an argument between a husband and a wife. The one time He shows it is when David and Michal argued over how David acted when the ark of God was carried into the city of David. Michal accused David of being improper in his actions when he danced in the street. When she approached David about his actions, he responded by comparing himself as much better than her dad. This argument between the two became a wedge in their marriage that was never healed. When looking at this argument, five things are revealed that couples should never do if they want to have a strong marriage.

First, don’t compare your spouse to their parents. “You are just like your mother.” Or, “You are just like your father.” These phrases always lead to great arguments. To compare your spouse to their parents will never help your marriage. If they are like their parents, you telling them that they are will only cause strife. There is never a good time to compare your spouse to their parents.

Second, don’t talk negative about your in-laws. When David responded to Michal, he was talking negatively about Saul. You must never forget that your spouse loves their family. Even if your spouse talks negatively about their family, never join in with them and talk negatively about your in-laws because it will eventually lead to an argument. Negative talk about in-laws is a sure way to drive a wedge in your marriage. Stay silent, or better yet, turn the conversation of your in-laws into a positive conversation about them when your spouse talks negatively about them.

Third, don’t bring up the past in arguments. David brought up the past. This is a sure way to turn a disagreement with your spouse into an argument. You will never resolve a present problem in your marriage by bringing up the past to win an argument. The past is the past, and bringing up the past only causes the present problem to get worse. You should make it a habit never to bring up the past negatively in any argument if you want to keep your marriage strong.

Fourth, don’t try to win an argument. David and Michal fell for Satan’s trick that destroys marriages, and that is, they were trying to win in their argument. Nobody wins when one spouse tries to win in an argument. Even if you win the argument, your marriage loses. Your marriage always loses when you try to win the argument with your spouse. It would be better to let your spouse win so that you don't say words that cause irreparable hurt to your spouse and marriage.

Fifth, don’t try to change your spouse. Michal was trying to change David, which would never happen. You will never succeed at changing your spouse, so focus your efforts on the one you can change: YOU. We have no power to change our spouse, but we do have the power to change ourselves, so focus your energies on the one you can change, and you will change your marriage for the better.

So, how do we avoid these five don't do’s? Proverbs 15:1 gives then answer when it says, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. It is always better to answer softly to your spouse, for that always causes the strife to cease and builds a stronger marriage.